It hasn't been easy being back at work! During my maternity leave, I had snatches of time during the day that I could rest. But having to work and then nursing and expressing during the night is well...exhausting. I'm glad that it was a short week last week and I decided to extend the long weekend by taking the day off tomorrow. Yay!
As much as I love breastfeeding my son, I think women have a tough time dealing with the expectations that they set themselves with this whole breastfeeding business. There's a real sense of failure (of being a good mother) if a woman is unable to breastfeed her baby - especially, if the child has allergies. Even products such as formula milk, milk bottles and other such feeding paraphernalia has the catchphrase "Breastmilk is best" printed on it. This is reinforced by all books that we read during our pregnancy that carries the same message. In fact, I've been asked if I "totally breastfeed" my baby by random strangers - including an elderly woman at church! I'm not one of these women that gush milk (or at least I don't anymore!). I need to work hard at it and when I get stressed, things get kinda plugged. Literally.
I had one such incident at work last week. I was feeling pretty stressed and very tired and when I went to do my motherly duties, found that the milk was really slow in coming. In fact, one boob was on strike! I gave up after a while and while I was trying to sort the expressed milk, it went tumbling onto the floor. Yup, all that effort.... Naturally, I went into a funk state (I'm so thankful to Lily who came to my rescue - thanks, babe!). That evening, I made the decision not to put such a huge pressure on myself and that I'm just gonna try my best and leave everything else in His hands.
Work has been cranking up and my office has been in a tizzy with preparations for a HUGE event. So, I have been attending some of these meetings and a particular meeting with an external vendor was just downright entertaining. There was this particular guy with freakily skinny ankles who kept saying that the "tamlan" was going to be pretty tight. And he kept using the word "tamlan". Of course, he was referring to the timeline. Geez.